Fatherhood

'It's not up to me, it's up to my bank account.'

I know it's not up to you, because it's even further for me.

I feel like a sperm donor, albeit an unsolicited and very much hated one. Nothing is up to me. Up to this point, I have naming rights, paying rights and visitation rights.

I feel that I don't have a say in anything else about baby. From the way things go, I won't have a say in where baby lives, how baby is brought up. I am not getting ready for baby's birth, I am not buying baby's stuff. I might not even be around to take care of baby.

You said that baby would know who his biological father is. I am afraid that's all that I will be: the biological father.

Being the father is not just being related by blood. But I'm sorry, I am not presentable enough, nor rich enough, nor good enough to decide what's good for baby.

As I make my way home, MJ's song took on a whole new meaning for: 'Billie Jean's not my lover, she's just a girl who said I am the one. The kid is not my son.'

It's not my son, not when I can't say anything.