Anger

'But i dunno if the reason y i find it hard to open up to u is bec of the anger or you hell i dn even know if the anger has anything to do with what about u hold me back.'

I don't know what to make of it when I saw this message.

Should I be happy that you are not really angry about me holding you back? Or should I be unhappy because that would at least meant that we would be happy together if I hadn't held you back.

When did you start finding it hard to open up to me? Is it when I was having all these demands about being together? Or was it way back even before you found out that you were pregnant?

But I guess it'll be hard to turn back your thoughts towards me. Now that I am ingrained in your mind to be associated with all that is bad and causing you pain and sadness.

If only I didn't knock you up, you would be able to run away. You would not be stuck in this. You wouldn't be treated badly. Nobody could judge you. You would only be responsible for yourself. Your plans would be intact and in place.

Just because of all these I can understand why you don't want to and cannot open up to me. It may not be about me but it does put you in a place where you are more vulnerable than ever.

And worse, I can't even clean up the mess for you, because I can't give you better. And as the days go by, it seems like you're further and further away from better. If only you were not pregnant, a cheap and small place wouldn't be a problem. If only you weren't pregnant, you wouldn't need to at least be comfortable. If only you weren't pregnant, you wouldn't have to give up all the things you wanted and had for 'a fuckin baby'.

And no, love is not enough to make these things better. We can't survive on love. Those things only happen in the movies.