Conflict

I would like to apologise, for repeatingly asking for that little hug and that little kiss.

I sometimes forget, and I yearn for that intimacy. I know you are suffering from a lot of discomfort, hence the apology. It's just one of those little things that I love. You don't have to sleep with me, intimacy can be simple, but even that is not possible.

I realised that this blog is getting more and more schizophrenic. One minute the posts are all accepting and understanding, the next they are angry and frustrated.

It is just how things are. On my good days, I understand what is going on. I see the possibilities and the impossibilities. I accept my mistakes and bear the consequences. I take in what cannot be controlled and wished for and let things go.

On some days, it's just bad. I yearn for you so much, frustration takes hold. Jealousy fills the mind and imagination runs wild. Desires take over and fear takes hold.

The future is so bleak in outlook. Doubts and questions keeps popping up. Stalemate in the situation is simply exasperating.

It seems like I have so much to lose. Yet at the same time, what I have to lose is not mine to begin with.