The lesser pain

I saw the look on your face.
That moment of hesitation.
Then another look, one of exasperation and anger.

I don't know which one is more painful.
What I used to do, it brought me deeper and deeper into you.
And cut harder and harder each time you make a different choice.
But at least I could still hold you, kiss you and feel you in my arms.

Now, it's easier to separate what I can and cannot have.
But every time I see you, it hurts so much 'cause I can't touch you.
It hurts even more what I see on your face as I send you back,
And the messages that go 'Fine.'

Which is the lesser pain?

You're an addiction.
Each time I see you, those 2 hours of bliss make me forget all the problems we have.
But each time you leave, the remaining 22 hours are torture, interspersed with doses of sweetness.
As the days go by, I only want to have more of you.
But you refuse me so.

So now I try to cure my addiction.
And it is cutting worse.
Having to treat you coldly 24 hours, is worse.
At least I used to have 2 hours of bliss, and many hours of sweet nothings.
I still pick up the phone ever so often, I think it's become a habit.

I hope it's just the initial cold turkey.
But I don't want to stop being addicted to you.

I just don't know which is the lesser pain.