Incoherence

Words are cheap,
Actions are the results of circumstances.
What then, in this world is real?

When both words and actions have failed,
What can be depended on?

The path is such and the time cannot be reversed.
What is unknown will forever be unknown.
There comes the crossroad;
Thinking about the what if, and letting it affected the is.
Which path do we take?

Making the best out of the now?
Or thinking about whether the now wouldn't have existed?

Falsehood and randomness, reality and intent.
The line is so thin.

Maybe, just maybe, it's true.
The now is the result of circumstances.
What is important: is it real?

Such are the things that are blessings in disguise.
Totally unplanned and unintended.
Yet they couldn't be anything better.

Sacrifices have been made.
Shit has happened.
Opportunity costs are great.
At the end of the day, would it have been done differently?

I don't know.
The answer to that question now skews so violently to yes,
That it frightens me.

I thought at least what I have now is real.
It may have come differently but it is here.
It is what I work towards but I feel like Sispyhus.

Every time I push the boulder up to the top and feel like I have succeeded,
It rolls down the other slope and I have to do it all over again.
I reach and I reach and I hit a brick wall.

I cannot pull and I cannot push.
I pull and I am afraid you might think that I don't want to be in this.
I push and I am afraid I might push too hard and push you away.

I have doubts but I cannot say.
It would only add on to whatever doubts you have and make things worse.

I have demands that I cannot make.
It pushes you over the edge and you are trying so hard to keep it together.

Sometimes it just feels like you are not even in this.
You feel like we are in this because we have no choice.
I feel like you are not even in this.
But I could never know.
Because it would be too hard for you.

So I could only try and try,
work and work.
spoil and spoil.
Because it feels like if I even let up a little,
I would lose you.

And no, I don't care if you are pregnant.
It isn't able the pregnancy.